The One With the Puffy Shirt
by Balletgrl055
Summary: After Dumbledore is killed, Voldemort takes over Hogwarts, and is displeased that no one is happy, and takes a drastic step to boost morale. Please RR
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Our story takes place on a cold winters day, with Voldemort pacing back and forth in his office in Hogwarts.  
"I know I should be happy." He mused to himself. "What with Dumbledore dead, and Hogwarts conquered." He paused, and bowed his head for a meaningful silence. "I am invincible, and I do have Wormtail's head mounted on a plaque on my wall." He paused once more, and saluted Wormtail's silent screaming head. "But something's wrong." Voldemort gritted his teeth, and a bloodcurdling scream rang through the air. "What's missing?" He slid dejectedly to the floor, as Lucius Malfoy opened the door cautiously, and ran in hurriedly. Voldemort looked up, and stood up and eagerly grabbed onto Lucius's robes.

"Lucius, you can help me with my fiendish dilemma"  
"Uh, yes master." Lucius answered, looking horrified. Another fresh scream was heard, and Voldemort looked towards the door, frowning slightly.  
"What's all this?" His thin fingers gestured to the door.  
"Oh, umm, I think Bellatrix is torturing another student randomly." Lucius replied.  
"Ah, yes." Voldemort sunk into a pensive mood. "So what you're saying is the students are unhappy here"  
"Unhappy, terrified, imprisoned inside here with no outside contact, it's all the same." Lucius shrugged.

"Oh, this isn't what I want at all! Oh, woe is me." Voldemort shook his head sadly. "Why does everyone hate me"  
"Because you like to murder people for laughs, and everyone at Hogwarts is under your tyrannical rule Voldie." Lucius shook his head, and stammered underneath Voldemort's death glare. "I mean Voldemort. Master. Lord. Unquestioned master. Oh please don't kill me."

"I'm not going to kill you." Voldemort swept by the blubbering Lucius. "I feel that we need to boost morale here at Hogwarts, get some Gryffindors turn over to the Dark side. And in order to pull this off, Hogwarts is going to perform a"

* * *

"A disco dance?" Ginny read slowly off of the bulletin board. "What do you suppose this means?" She turned and asked Hermione, who shrugged in turn.  
"I don't understand anything anymore." Hermione muttered looking down at her tattered robes. "I don't understand why the Death Eaters are here, or why we are imprisoned here." Ginny nodded her head, already hearing this millions of times before.

"Why don't you just run down to the dungeons of Snape and leave us lesser slaves toiling under Voldemort's watchful eye?" She asked Hermione sardonically, returning her attention back to the poster advertising the disco dance.  
"You know I am forced to live with that-that monster, it is no free will of mine!" Hermione bristled up immediately.

"Oh Chilax." Ginny remarked coolly. "You know that I'm burdened with the title of Malfoy's sex toy. I mean at least Snape has the decency to touch you, I mean the only reason why Malfoy chose me as a bondage victim is to throw his father off the track that he is so clearly gay. Hey!" Ginny turned around excitedly. "It says that we are allowed our wands to choose our costumes for this dance. Ooh this is pretty cool. Ron! Hey, Ron!" Ginny suddenly hollered across the hall. A forlorn Ron shuffled towards them.

"What?" He asked, scowling, fingering a loose thread in the arm of his robe.  
"There's going to be a disco dance!" Ginny let a squeal that seemed so unlike her.  
"Oh." Ron narrowed his puffy eyes at Hermione. "I suppose you'll be going with Snape." Hermione's eyes grew unusually bright, and she stalked haughtily away.  
"Don't be a bitch Ron." Ginny muttered.  
"This is neither the time nor the place Ginny." Ron frowned at his sister.  
"You're right." Ginny apologized. "So what are you going to wear for this disco dance?"

"I don't know, but this is a good opportunity to get Harry out of bed, or cot if you will." Ron nodded to himself congratulating himself on the good idea.  
"Oh Harry." Ginny breathed in a sharp intake of breath. "Just mentioning that name puts a damper on this evenings festivities."

* * *

Harry rolled over in his sleep, and rolled off of his cot to slam onto the cold gray stone floor.  
"Harry!" Harry shifted his head slightly to see Ron bound eagerly into the overstuffed room full of Gryffindor students. "Harry, there is going to be a disco dance!" He screamed waving his arms amid the groans of awaking students.  
"Ron I don't care, I am in complete angst mode right now, hello!" Harry shouted, rubbing his forehead.

"But Harry, maybe Voldemort really isn't that bad. I mean a disco dance Harry! And Voldemort lets us have our wands for one day so we can magic a costume for ourselves!" Ron finished triumphantly thrusting his fist in the air, and then waving his newfound wand.  
"A wand?" Harry looked meaningfully into the distance. "I'll take that wand and kill Voldemort with it!"

"Now Harry you know that's just not true, we all know that because of Voldemort's spell, if you come within a 3-inch radius to him, your manhood will fall off into millions of pieces." Ron said seriously, while Harry covered his crotch in protection. Harry closed his eyes in frustration, and when he opened them back up, Ron was holding up two shirts anxiously.  
"What do you think Harry? Blue puffy shirt? Or purple puffy shirt?"

* * *

The days passed into weeks, and Hogwarts was in an uproar. Death Eaters bustled around the castle unsure how to prepare for such an event, and the students who were imprisoned at Hogwarts were starting to think Voldemort wasn't such a bad 'dude.'

On the big night of the disco dance Ginny was lazing around Draco's chamber, when Draco burst through in a fit of excitement.  
"Look Ginny! A puffy shirt!" He cried, pointing to his chest proudly, and twirling around.

"Very nice Draco." She murmured without looking up from her magazine.  
"You're not looking!" Draco stomped his foot in indignation. "Anywho," Draco fell carelessly against a armchair. "Why aren't you dressed for the dance yet"  
"Eh." Ginny grunted.

"Oh no, you're my sex slave, and you're going to be dressed snappily." Draco said, raising his wand and thrusting it at Ginny's face. There was a loud bang, and Ginny was clad in a red cocktail dress, and her hair was swept up in a fancy twist. "Now, get up." Draco, hoisted Ginny up, and twirled her around. "Now we have to make a special appearance together at this thing. As far as my father knows, I am so beating and raping you every night, and we want him to continue thinking that."

"Draco," Ginny sighed. "Why don't you just tell Lucious that you are lusting for Harry?" There was a meaningful silence. "Ah, I see"  
"Now let's get some bruises on you." Draco said, raising his hand, and slapping Ginny across the face.

"Ow, you bastard." Ginny yelled, clutching her cheek. "Do it magically asswipe!" "Oh yea," Draco murmured thoughtfully, raising his wand again. "Shall we?" He asked when he was done, offering his arm to Ginny's bruise clad one. Ginny took it, and they slowly made their way out of the room, when Draco stopped excitedly. "I almost forgot!" He cried, pulling a small vial out of his flashy leather pants. "Ginny I need your stamp of approval. I am going to slip this into Harry's punch tonight, and afterwards Harry will be hot for my sleek body."

"Yea, sure that's great." Ginny nodded approvingly. "I personally don't see what's so hot about Harry." Draco opened his mouth to reply, when Blaise burst the door.  
"Look Draco! Tight pants!" He hollered, high-fiving Draco, who starting whooping wildly, and Blaise responded by doing the worm wildly.  
"Ok, I'll just leave you two alone." Ginny muttered, slipping out the back door.

"What do you think Lucius?" Ginny heard the voice of Voldemort around the corner.  
"Oh you look fantastic." Lucius' voice replied.  
"Do you think the body glitter is too much?" Voldemort asked anxiously.  
"Oh no, the body glitter is a nice touch." Lucius assured him.  
"All right here we go." Voldemort said, as Ginny rounded the corner. "This is the moment of a lifetime."

"How quaint." Ginny mused, as Voldemort and Lucius burst through the doors leading into the Great Hall, and into the disco dance.


	2. The Dance

Preparing to enter the disco dance, Ginny was tapped on the back. Turning around, she was greeted by Luna Lovegood.

"Oh hello Luna, how are you?" She asked as they walked to the Great Hall.

"Fantastic!" Luna did a heel click to prove just how happy she was. "Today Crabbe showed me the wonders of house elves mixed with wet mice, and a dash of dill atop of it all."

"Very nice." Ginny mused, as Luna jumped into the Great Hall where bodies were mingling and Afros were froing, and she shook her body which was clad in a pumpkin dress, and the disco was truly on its way.

Ginny had one toe in the said disco dance, when she was once again tapped on the back. Turning around, this time she was greeted by Sirius.

"Sirius! But I thought you were dead!"

"You should know the grave could never keep me!" Sirius threw back his head and laughed, and by the time he regained his composure, Ginny was gone. "Oh well." Sirius shook his head sadly, but was uplifted as he saw Dolores Umbridge waggle her stubby fingers in his direction.

"Ginny!" Ginny disentangled herself from someone to see Draco rush towards her. "Where have you been? I've been worried!" He whined, while fingering his puffiness.

"Sorry Draco." Ginny patted his arm soothingly. "How are you?"

"I'm great!" Draco did a pelvic thrust to prove just how peppy he was. "And look what I have." He shook a vial of potion eagerly. "I'm going to slip this into Harry's drink, and soon all will be fixed." He began jumping up and down in anticipation.

"All right, all right." Ginny said. "Your over stimulated, let's get some beer in you and then it's time for bed."

"Bed, bed bed! Beer, beer, beer!" Draco danced away from her in a giddy thrill. As soon as he had twirled in front of the long table where various drinks were set up, Draco untwisted the cork of the potion, and looked to see which drink was Harry's. "Hmm." He lifted up the first drink that he saw. "This must be Harry's drink, for it has a mark on it which looks like his lightening bolt scar." And Draco triumphantly dumped the potion in the goblet, and twisted himself away into the swaying crowd.

**Two Minutes Later**

Breathing heavily from his romp with Neville, Voldemort glided over to where he had last left his drink.

"Mmm." He smacked his lips happily. "My pumpkin juice truly hits the stuff, and I know no one has touched my drink, for I have marked mine with a miniature picture of my precious Nagini." Having said that, Voldemort drained the potion into his mouth, and went off in search for some gobstones.

**Another Two Minutes Later**

The students of Hogwarts were enjoying themselves in a radical manner. Snape and Hermione were involved in a snogging match, while Ron was fingering his crossbow. But all in all everything was going just 'swell' as Blaise had helpfully pointed out. But soon something displeasing happened, and it was in the form of Voldemort in a toga. Rushing up in front of the entire species of Hogwarts, Voldemort was in a despicable state.

"Everybody." He screamed raising his hands up to the ceiling. "Let's change this mofo into a toga party! Toga, toga, toga!" And he ran through the crowd, who didn't know quite how to respond. "Bow down to me, for I am your Lord!" He let out a snort through his slit-like nose, and didn't seem to notice as his toga got caught on a tiny nail, and was it got left behind as he darted out of the room, now a naked Lord Voldemort.

"This isn't what I wanted at all!" Draco shook his head sadly, as Lucious comforted a whimpering Macnair. "I don't even want to know what's going to happen next." He stopped for a moment. "Wait, I do know what's going to happen next." He hustled by a few people, and found Ginny doing shots with Bellatrix.

"Ginny, I need your help!" He whined, and grabbed her, and hustled her outside. Staggering slightly, Ginny inhaled the fresh night air, and looked at Draco crossly.

"What?" She demanded, crossing her arms.

"Voldie drank the potion that was meant for Harry, what am I going to do?" He shook his leg in a angry manner.

"That's Lord Voldie." A high voice emitted from the bushes.

"Wait, does this mean Voldemort is going to fall in love you now?" Ginny's interest piqued.

"No, it's a very complicated potion. Too complicated to explain right now in fact." Draco again shook his head sadly.

"Whatever." Ginny started to slur her words in a professional manner, when screams began erupting in the Great Hall. "Oh, that's Ron!" Ginny's slightly drunk face contorted to panic, and she ran into the Great Hall with Draco hot on her heels. The cause for Ron's distress was soon apparent. Snape was sitting in the head chair, with Hermione on his lap, and they were making out as if the end were nearing any second. And to top it off, Voldemort was curled at their feet sucking on Snape's bulbous greasy feet.

"And all this time Hermione was telling me she was a hostage." Ginny clucked her tongue disapprovingly.

"And to think, that could've been me and Harry." Draco once again shook his head sadly.

"Malfoy." Ginny and Draco turned around to see Harry standing alone, dressed in tatters, but was sporting a messy Afro that fit him surprisingly well.

"I'll uh, leave you two alone to get to know each other." Ginny patted Draco encouragingly, and went off to do the hustle with the nondead Sirius.

Meanwhile, Lucious carefully lay Macnair down and tucked him into the Slytherin table, where Macnair finally looked peaceful. Stepping away from him, Lucious noticed his son who had sprung from the fruit of his loins walk out of the Great Hall with none other than Harry Potter. Or Harry Fucker as Lucious so cleverly called him.

"I will not stand for this!" Lucious growled, shoving people aside. Perhaps he would have reached Draco and Harry, no one will ever know, for he tripped over Voldemort's crouched form, and flew across the Great Hall, finally coming to a rest on top of Dobby the house-elf, crushing him to death.


	3. The Aftermath

One by one the inhabitants of Hogwarts awoke dazedly. Many were unhappy, for it meant that the disco was over and Voldemort was ready to take claim over their lives. Amid much sad head shaking, Ginny awoke with the nondead Sirius' and wrapped around her waist.

"Whazza?" She asked blearily, looking down at Sirius, who started to turn transparent.

"No! Ginny!" He bellowed, disappearing into thin air. Ginny stood motionless for a moment then quickly got up for a quick fix me up. She was not greeted by a pleasant sight. Voldemort was lying spread eagle on his back, with Bellatrix and Crabbe Sr. on either sides of him. Completely devoid of any clothing, except for a loincloth, someone had carved a butt onto Voldemort's chest. To the right of this scene, Snape was curled up in a ball, with Hermione crying over spilt milk.

"Hermione, what's the matter?" Ginny asked, tugging at her hair.

"The milk, it's all gone." Hermione clutched at her face.

"Um..." Ginny was at a loss. "All right Hermione, let's get you back to Snape's dungeon." Ginny provided a comforting hand, and they left the Great Hall.

On the other side of the room, Voldemort twitched once, then awoke with a start.

"Oh dear." He grunted in the pain of a hangover. Sitting up, there was nothing else to do but shake his head sadly as he saw the state of Hogwarts. Toliet paper was everywhere, disco balls were smashed, and there was a small fire in the corner. "This is how I'm repaid?" Voldemort gritted his teeth in disgust. "You're all sick!" He screamed, noticing his defiled chest.

"Oh be nice!" Someone yelled back.

"Learn to treat people with respect!" Voldemort's eyes glittered with tears. "If you thought I was bad before, just you wait!" He finished importantly and accusing eyes came to rest upon Neville.

"What?" Neville asked, covering up his lederhosen. Seamus burst into angry tears, as Nott leered at him, cracking his whip menacingly.

"Begone!" Voldemort spat at everyone, waving his arms wildly. With a crack that echoed throughout the ages, everyone was back in their slave-like clothes. A collective groan rang through the students, but life continued on as it must, and a Charlton Heston-like Ten Commandments routine followed.

Unaware of any changes in the atmosphere, Ginny crooned to Hermione as she put her to bed.

"Ginny, what's going to happen to us?" Hermione whispered.

"I don't know, but I think it's going to be o.k. for you, if you know what I mean." Ginny looked pointedly at Hermione's hickey. Leaving Hermione alone, Ginny began walking the halls, looking for Draco. Humming idly, she reached Draco's chamber, and carelessly flung it open. "Draco?" She called out. "How did everything go last night?" Rounding the corner, Ginny was presented with Draco and Harry asleep on the long couch, with their arms wrapped around each other. Backing out quietly, Ginny grinned to herself, as she made her way back to the Great Hall. For inexplicable reasons, she felt jovial as she passed by the open front doors leading into the garden where Sirius and an owl were sitting on a marble bench. Not noticing them she swung the doors open, and entered determinedly.

_"Oooh."_ Sirius ran a hand over his unshaven chin, and sang softly to the owl hovering above his head. _"I see the way he treats you, I feel the tears you cried, And it makes me sad, and it makes me mad, There's nothing I can do baby. Cause your lover is my best friend, And I guess that's where the story ends."_

There was a bloodcurdling scream, and Sirius' head cocked in that general direction. "I'll take care of this." Sirius said full of pride, and he charged into the Great Hall.

_Finis? I know no one really takes this story seriously, but this is a good place to end the fic, if no one is interested. Or I could continue on, either way. If anyone feels strongly about the matter, just say so._


End file.
